I met a friend recently who I hadn’t seen for awhile. The last I had heard from him, he was excited about moving out of a job that wasn’t working for him into a new job that was very promising.  However, when I asked him about how things were going, his face fell. After some hesitation, he told me that he was finding it difficult.

I asked him to tell me more. I knew that he had had to move to a new city, but he said that he really liked his new surroundings and apartment. He was now working from his home, but he had set up a home office and that wasn’t the problem, either.  The issue for him was that he was being asked to make cold calls. He was used to working from a list of clients or prospects who had already indicated an interest in the company and their product. It was complicated further by the fact that he was not familiar with the new company’s product and found it almost impossible to make a call. He hated cold calls. In fact, he feared them. He would psych himself up and then feel so bad after getting turned down that he would spend hours trying to get his head in a place where he could make another call, only to have the same thing happen.

I have to do it—but I can’t!

I asked him if he had ever done cold-calling before. He said no. He said that he had talked to his boss, but his boss insisted that everyone had to do this at first and pointed to research that showed that for x number of calls there was always a certain percentage that would say yes, and that number was sufficient to make it worthwhile. His boss told him that he would get better as he did it and not to worry.

 I fail, again and again

This wasn’t the answer that my friend had been hoping for. He tried again, but he found that in fact, his anxiety was growing. He tried to relieve his anxiety by doing some physical exercise in between calls, jumping jacks or his treadmill or lifting weights. But instead of feeling more relaxed and gaining a sense of conquering his fears, he was becoming exhausted from all of his physical activity and his sense of failure was growing. He was even beginning to doubt his decision to leave his old job and its frustrations—at least it hadn’t involved calling strangers and stumbling over what he was selling. In the back of his mind he knew that it might be true that he would get better at it, but it was becoming more and more impossible for him to pick up the phone.

 What is success?

I asked him if he believed the research that his boss had quoted. He said, yes, he had heard it before and knew that it was pretty accurate. I thought a moment and then asked him “What would you consider to be a success in this beginning phase of your new job?” He frowned and thought about it for a minute. Finally he said in exasperation “I want someone to say yes!!!”

 Perspective kicks in

I looked at his tense features and heard the desperation in his voice. I then asked, “If you really believe the research numbers, then it;s a matter of re-defining ‘success’. What if you trust the numbers and decide that the same figures will work for you, too? You’ll get the same percentage of yeses if you put in the necessary number of calls. You could make a chart on the wall listing the number of calls you want to make your daily goal. Mark off each call, knowing that you’re on your way to make the numbers prove themselves. Success is now how many calls you make every day instead of how many prospects say ‘yes.’

 Wise use of your time…

Along the way, you’ll hear the questions you need to research. The time you spent before avoiding a task you see as unpleasant can now be used to build your knowledge of your product, confident that you are doing all that you can do in your new job.”

His eyes grew big. He was silent for a moment. Then his body seemed to relax a little and he started to smile. “I could do that. Yeah, I can see myself making calls if I’m not worrying about whether or not I will hear a ‘yes’, beating myself up and then jumping to my fears about what might happen in the future.”

 Has this ever happened to you? 

It certainly has happened to me, and not just once, but regrettably many times. We can worry so much about the outcome that we aren’t able to focus on being open and simply doing the work. I have to keep reminding myself that if I am clear in my heart about the direction I want to go and what I am wanting to do, I can become fully involved in the process and  let it feed me. I can use my energy on my work, planting seeds instead of continually pulling up the seed I am planting to see if it has grown any.  I also avoid hurting myself on the thorns….

 Let the results take care of themselves

My life just works better if I focus on the work I have chosen mindfully and let the end result take care of itself. If the results aren’t what I want, I know that I gave it all of my energy instead of spinning my wheels judging my performance as I go along and projecting my fears into the future. I can step back and look with an open heart at what is happening and then make the necessary changes. Without fear and self-limitation, my work can move forward with the proper course adjustments!

Have a heart-filled day!


2 responses to “Perspective

  1. Wendy Singer-Lowry

    I love the new site and someday I want you to share my story! I like to think I am your favorite client 😉 Things are going really well, and I am using your 15 minute goal to keep me on track with focusing on my new habits. So far it is working well, because even when I want to avoid tackling my projects because they are overwhelming (and boring) I can usually talk myself into ’15 minutes’ Every night last week I ended up putting in more than 15 minutes once I was able to make myself get started. So I am definitely making some progress in that area, but I need to schedule a phone session this weekend if possible.

    I love the ‘chaos to clarity’ tagline, but my husband said that he would settle for chaos to less chaos…ha ha ha!

  2. Congratulations on your progress in establishing a new, good-for-you habit ! The goal of remembering to do this for 21-30 days to make it a lasting go-to action can be daunting–unless you keep your focus on this current day and let the rest of the days come up as they tend to anyway–today. One 15 minute session is do-able if you make it your goal. Just remember that anything more than that is extra and not expected so that the next time you are facing today on a calendar it doesn’t feel like more of a burden.

    Working with sincere, hard-working and fun people like you is one of the main reasons I love my job! And humorous contributions and support by husbands and family are a bonus!!!

    I’ll call you this weekend. Give me a call or email me so that we can set up a time.

    Hugs to you all,

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in: Logo

You are commenting using your account. Log Out /  Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )


Connecting to %s